Testing our mettle

We spend our lives questioning and testing and proving ourselves, seeking commendations from other men -- our friends and fathers. Testing our mettle in battle, afraid we may not measure up to the ideal; but desperately needing the answer.

Are we here men of quality and good character? Will we yet pass this test? Some of us have survived the fogs of previous war, have taken our scars and given as many in return. Some of us have found our answer; some of us have not.

Until we know we know not. We shake in fear on the inside. We hurry to break our gaze and turn away. We cower but hesitate to run. Until we know we know not.

Our unanswered question keeps us in the battle. We fight on.

Creativity

I am motivated by blank canvases -- this is what inspires me. Possibilities. Potentiality. Creativity.

I was excited: explaining a concept I had for an upcoming painting to my wife [who was probably busy with something more important and wasn't listening anyway]. I was expounding on the color combination or the possibility of using a certain style to achieve the look I wanted or maybe just the unusual nature of the subject matter -- a brick on top of an egg; I don't know -- I don't remember what I was explaining, or why . . . but trust me, I was excited about it. That's what I love. Creativity. The thought that starts the process and pushes it to completion. Most of my best paintings are finished very quickly for this reason. Call it motivation, if you want -- same thing.

Painting is an important aspect of being a painter -- don't get me wrong -- but more important is the idea, the thought. The inspiration. The motivation. Even the determination to fulfill the initial idea. Because that's the spark common to us all. I'm not talking painting here, I'm talking creativity. That's part of being human: being creative . . . or at least having the potential of creativity within us.

"To do the work carefully and well, with love and respect for the nature of my task and with due attention to its purpose, is to unite myself to God's will in my work. I become His instrument. He works through me."
-- Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation

Perhaps that is what creativity is: Aligning our abilities and desires with God's will in our lives.

Procrastination

I should be doing other things. Time slips by with the smile of a crocodile (and I think it just winked at me). Thing is: I know I should be doing other things -- seriously, this is not the action of a proactive person; I know better. I think I know better.

I blame it on inspiration (or the lack of). See, I should be painting. I've got five paintings started and sitting out around the picnic table waiting to be finished right now (in the grip of procrastination, I took the time to count them). But, uninspired, I make my rounds. Visiting all my favorite websites, blogs, chess sites, art forums, et cetera. Now I've decided to write about it (maybe that will be the cure -- I'll let you know).

Another word for procrastination is shillyshally.

This is part of me: this deer-in-the-headlights, immobilizing stagnation (I should be doing other things). Here's what seems to motivate me the most: a painting (or paintings) due the next morning . . . and the sun is already retiring for the night. In those situations I could complete several -- heck, ten -- paintings from scratch. So this leads me to my next question: what is inspiration?

That is, where does inspiration come from? Where does it go? How can I get it to stay longer? How can I befriend it? What types of food does it eat? Does it like coffee or tea? Black or with sugar and cream?

Standpattism. Remissness. Mugwump. Do-nothingness. My pal, procrastination.

I should be doing other things.